Thursday, September 4, 2014

Apart At The Seams

I have read all three books in this series and am lucky to call the author, Melissa Ford a personal friend.  We live in the same general area and get together, not often enough for my taste.  Luckily, I was able to separate my personal relationship with her when reading the books.  I still loved the books, and it is awesome to be able to email the author questions, or discuss the book over lunch.

On to the questions:

  • Did Arianna really have an affair? Does an emotional affair weigh the same as a physical affair? More? Less?
In my opinion Arianna did have an affair, she had an emotional affair which is more damaging than a physical affair.  Sex is easier to forgive, especially if it is something like a one night stand.  But when you find yourself falling for someone else, when you are in a committed relationship with someone, I think that says something about troubles in the relationship.  So does a sexual affair, but an emotional affair is far more telling and dangerous and exposes more holes in the relationship you are in.

  • Arianna has several major events that are downplayed by Rachael. How would you have reacted if this had happened to you? Would you have made the effort to repair the friendship?
I think that this is the beginning of what could be the end of the friendship between Arianna and Rachel.  I have had some long term friendships end and it is a really hard, brutal thing.  But this book demonstrated to me how much Rachel was not there for Arianna, and was so wrapped up in her own stuff.  Everyone has times when it is all about them.  But when it is all about someone else all the time, then it is time to end the friendship.  I would like to see Arianna and Rachel 10 years from now, and see whether they are still friends.

  • Were you rooting for things to improve for Arianna and Ethan's relationship?  Why or why not?
I was not rooting for them to improve.  I thought Arianna should break up with him.  I thought she spent most of the book trying to convince herself he was the guy for her rather than believing her was the guy for her, which is not the same thing.

Jodi used to blog at jodifur.com but recently retired it.  She came out of retirement because she loves to read, and Melissa.

  To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at LavenderLuz.com.

10 comments:

Lori Lavender Luz said...

I read once that women tend to think an emotional affair is the greater evil, and men are more prone to view a sexual affair as the greater breech of trust. I agree with you that Arianna's ambivalence about Ethan is what made her attraction to Noah possible.

So glad you came out of retirement to join this tour!

areyoukiddingme said...

I am totally the opposite on the emotional vs physical affair! I think that it's...I don't know - unreasonable? foolish? selfish? something...to think that your partner will not develop relationships outside of the one they have with you. And the reason I say this is because any relationship, whether it's a friendship or something flirty/romantic or familial, infringes on the couple relationship at some point. To me, a physical affair is more damaging because not only do you disregard your partner's feelings, you also open them up to the possibility of other hurts (disease, potential pregnancy (ha!), other).

I sort of agree with you on the friendship thing, although I don't think Arianna was there much for Rachel in Measure of Love either. So, it could be that they were just in a distance period and have the potential to come back together.

Interesting take on the Arianna/Ethan relationship - it never occurred to me to root for or against the relationship. I figured that Arianna had already decided he was the guy for her (for right now, anyway) when she asked him to move in.

Anne said...

It's hard to define what an emotional affair is. A physical one is so obvious but throughout the story I was okay with Arianna and Noah and didn't feel they were cheating by going out for coffee and talking about their careers. But then later in the story Arianna was jealous of Noah dating someone else and it was obvious at this point that their relationship or a least Arianna's feeling for Noah was indeed emotionally cheating on Ethan. I feel men and women can have relationships that can be emotional, they can share tidbits about their early lives, their jobs and other things like music or sports and generally care for each other as friend typically do. They can meet for drinks or take in a game together just like any friend would with another friend. But when one wants the other to kiss them or gets jealous of who the other is dating then that is the point where it becomes an emotional relationship that is inappropriate.

Esperanza said...

I really appreciate this discussion about whether or not Arianna and Noah's relationship was an affair or not. I told myself it wasn't but I also could see myself becoming entangled in something similar. Perhaps that is why I was more forgiving...

And this... "I was not rooting for them to improve. I thought Arianna should break up with him. I thought she spent most of the book trying to convince herself he was the guy for her rather than believing her was the guy for her, which is not the same thing." Thank you for saying it this way because that is EXACTLY how I felt about their relationship, but I couldn't quite articulate it. She was trying to talk herself into it, and you could tell, and it never felt quite right. I'm glad someone else read it the same way.

Kathy said...

I think initially Arianna and Noah did start as a friendship. She was honest with Ethan and told him of the meeting. I do think that changed when she continued the flirting with text messages and conversations after the Award Ceremony. The culmination of the emotional store was the jewelry store. For me the telltale sign of the emotional affair was Arianna keeping details from Ethan.

Bronwyn Joy said...

I left my thoughts on the affair between Noah and Arianna on Geochick's blog. Without repeating what I said there I'll add:

I think an emotional affair should be cause for a good hard look at your relationships, it can be easy to mistake one type of love and/or attraction for another, especially if you're talking about the opposite sex.

It's not necessarily bad that Arianna was attracted to Noah. No one person is all things to us at all times, Ethan included. But she had trouble clearly defining that attraction, and this seemed to be tied up in her inability to define a lot of other things in her life at that point - and that was her trouble.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I am so honoured that you came out of retirement for this :-)

For what it's worth, I think Arianna stepped over the line into emotional affair. I don't think it started as such, but I think it ended up there. I certainly have male friends, and I think a person can have friends of the opposite sex. But I think Arianna emotionally stepped over a line.

If I had to predict the future for all of them, I think Ari and Rachel will find firmer footing this year with the wedding and such behind them. Friendships can go through rough patches, and I think theirs definitely has. But the history will ultimately pull them back together. History is a powerful force.

Judy said...

I'm on the fence about the whether there was an emotional affair. Was it mutual, or actually just Arianna feeling all of this? She didn't know what she wanted. The possible "affair" felt one-sided, Arianna. Doesn't an affair take two?

Tiara said...

Though not a personal friend of Melissa's, I, too, enjoyed having the opportunity to email her with questions about the book. It was an amazing way to get more out of the book!

I agree that Arianna definitely crossed the line into emotional affair & that is worse than just sex.

Mina said...

I too think she was having an emotional affaire with Noah, even though she was the only one falling in love. Ethan loved her from the beginning, and waited for her to sort everything out. And Ari loves Ethan as well, she just has no idea who she is, or what she wants, which makes her prone to mistakes. But it is a nice thing to witness, emotionally growing up, and Arianna does a lot of that, doesn't she?